Project Portfolio Week 5 – 6

This week – I had trouble completing my “to-do” list. I’m starting to have the hunch that I am more productive when I’m focusing on doing things that make me happen – rather than actually focus on being productive! (how ironic – yet it kinda makes sense.) I reflect over the items that I’ve done/ and not done this week. I’m thinking about shutting down my business and going in a different direction in life. 🙂

Yeah! This week I created some great artwork, learned ThetaHealing – and just had a blast overall! Awesome!

Asian-American Shame: entangled conflicts of multi-cultural standards

Typically, when I make a post, I don’t really care who looks at it or how many views I get. I mainly do it so I can look at my notes for future reference or to think through some thoughts. Today, I’m writing this post with the intent to share this message and to initiate a conversation.

 Recently I finished reading Brene Brown’s book: Daring Greatly. I’ve already read 2 of her previous books (Gifts of Imperfection) and (I Thought It was Just Me) and I’m a huge fan of her research. When Brene first started her research on shame, she exclusively studied women. Brene describes shame as like a web to women – they are pulled in opposing directions trying to meet society’s unyielding expectations.  Recently, she published some research on shame and men, and describes that men experience experience shame as being trapped in a box, numbed without feeling, unable to reveal signs of weakness.

Today I’m furthering the conversation on shame. While the author does a great job helping us understand shame as it relates to men and women, I’m here to describe the shame I experience as an Asian-American male. The shame I experience is a web – being pulled in different directions that contradict each other. I am not here to complain. I am not here to advocate for change in society (not yet). I’m here to SPEAK SHAME and SHARE IT. I know there are must be many people who go through the same or similar things.

Shame is “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” – Brene Brown.  (You feel like you feel like crap, alone and unworthy of connecting with other human beings.)

The 12 Shame Categories
1. Appearance/ body image
2. Money/work
3. Motherhood/Fatherhood
4. Family
5. Parenting
6. Mental and physical health
7. Addiction
8. Sex
9. Aging
10. Religion
11. Surviving Trauma
12. Being Stereotyped or labeled

Examples of Shame
Try to identity which category each example belongs to.

• Shame is getting laid off and having to tell my pregnant wife. (Money/ Fatherhood)
• Shame is having someone ask me, “When are you due?” when I’m not pregnant. (body image)
• Shame is hiding the fact that I’m in recovery. (addiction)
• Shame is raging at my kids. (Parenting)
• Shame is bankruptcy. (Money)
• Shame is my boss calling me an idiot in front of the client. (work)
• Shame is not making partner. (work)
• Shame is my husband leaving me for my next-door neighbor. (sex/ body image/ family)
• Shame is my wife asking me for a divorce and telling me that she wants children, but not with me.(sex/ fatherhood)
• Shame is my DUI. (addition)
• Shame is my infertility. (motherhood)
• Shame is telling my fiancé that my dad lives in France when in fact he’s in prison. (family)
• Shame is Internet porn. (addiction)
• Shame is flunking out of school. Twice. (work)
• Shame is hearing my parents fight through the walls and wondering if I’m the only one who feels this afraid. (family/ trauma)

How do you get past Shame?
Brene says the answer doesn’t lie in “fighting back,” shielding yourself, or “running away” from shame; although that is  a temporary fix that most people opt for. From her research, Brene found that people who live “wholehearted” lives are able to be resilient towards shame – or bounce back from it after having experienced it. Some of the steps (not needed to be done in any particular order) include to the ability to recognize shame. Are you conscious of shame when you feel it? Another step is practicing critical awareness. Why are you feeling that way? Is it messages from the media/ family members/ society? Are they realistic/ reachable? Another step is being able to own your story, admit that you have shame and sharing it with other people.

Conflicting, Confusing, Contradictory Expectations
Sometimes we feel ashamed, but in reality, we have unrealistic expectations set on us. This is the part where critical awareness plays in. Sometimes, you have to realize that you can’t win the “game,” you just have to admit that the “game” is  ridiculous. Here are some examples from women about the world we live in.

• Be perfect, but don’t make a fuss about it and don’t take time away from anything, like your family or your partner or your work, to achieve your perfection. if you’re really good, perfection should be easy.
• Don’t upset anyone or hurt anyone’s feelings, but say what’s on your mind.
• Dial the sexuality way up (after the kids are down, the dog is walked, and the house is clean), but dial it way down at the PTA meeting. And, geez, whatever you do, don’t confuse the two — you know how we talk about those PTA sexpots.
• Just be yourself, but not if it means being shy or unsure. There’s nothing sexier than self-confidence (especially if you’re young and smokin’ hot.”
• Don’t make people feel uncomfortable, but be honest.
• Don’t get too emotional, but don’t be too detached either. Too emotional and you’re hysterial. Too detached and you’re a cold hearted bitch.

This is the Pantene commercial that beautiful illustrates the struggles of the double standard that women live in.

My Shame
Okay, here is the meat of the post where I talk about the shame that I experience. Where the messages I receive from media (or whatever) seem contradictory and confusing.

• My asian parents want me to live with them and take care of them until they get old, but American culture says that I should move out, be on my own and live independently. American society teaches me adults shouldn’t live with their parents.
• Asian culture says that the son should default to his parents and listen to whatever they say. Obey their wishes. That is filial piety and the right way. American culture says that you should follow your heart and do whatever is right. Even if it means go against your parents and tell them they are wrong, you should do whatever you think is right.
• Asian people are expected to be humble, modest and smart. At the same time, American culture expects you to be outgoing, sociable and confident. Most people have difficulty performing both roles. I can elegantly switch between acting American confident, and Asian humble… but sometimes feel like a phony.
• Society says you should make a lot of money so you can support your family. But you should’ve be working a job for just the money. You should follow your dreams and do what you want.  (okay…)
• Shame is not getting a full-time job after college. (I don’t have much to say about this topic, but I wanted to say this incase other people feel the same way. 🙂
• Shame is being a virgin at 25 years old. Society says I should have probably “banged” some girls by now. That a real man will go get what he wants.
• Shame is having a small asian penis. Haha. Okay – that was hard to write. But I’m sure there are a lot of asian guys out there who will relate to this pain. Size DOES matter or size does NOT matter. Does the size of your penis really determine your worth as a man? Should your worth as a “man” (as defined by traditional hetero-sexual american media standards) really determine your worth as a human being?
• Men are expected to be ambitious, driven, take initiative, lead and have a future.  In the rush of having a great career, you shouldn’t forget to have fun, relax and have a sense of humor. I personally find that really hard to do.

This is a video that briefly touches up on how young men should be hypermasculine and shamed for being weak and vulnerable.

Scarcity vs. Sufficiency

I recently read this book by Lynne Twist called “The Soul of Money.” This wasn’t one of those books that talked about productively, success or ambition. The author is a philanthropist who is committed to solve World Hunger. Ever since I watched the movie “Elysium” a while back – I knew I was currently living IN ELYSIUM and felt this compulsion to positively affect the world.

The author goes into some really deep concepts in the book. She says that most people in the world have this concept of scarcity. There is not enough to go around, that is why we need to get ahead and hoard more for ourselves. She refutes fundamental social and economic concepts of Western Civilization such as Darwinism and Adam Smith’s free market system. She calls economic principles and structures of that era based on “flawed assumptions and wrong thinking — about nature, about human potential, and about money itself.” The author asserts that scarcity is a lie.

Instead she proposes the concept of “Sufficiency.” This concept lines up with the spiritual teachings that I’ve been working on for a very long time. Society tells us that happiness will be there for you when you get the big job, fancy car, beach house, sexy girl. If you have had any of these things, you probably know that inner happiness doesn’t come from wanting more and getting what you want. You will only feel lack and want more. Experience has taught me this and perhaps you feel it as well. Inner happiness comes from appreciation and gratitude. It is an inner job, not an external one.

Likewise, the author doesn’t believe that you can help 3rd world countries by simply throwing food and money at them. They would only become more dependent on the alms of the rich. Truly helping these countries means empowering them and helping them stand up on their own two feet.  Aiding them means helping them utlize the inner resources they have to establish their own  economy. Perhaps this takes longer than just throwing food and money. But I think the effects are much more powerful and permanent.

“Scarcity speaks in terms of never enough, emptiness, fear, mistrust, envy, greed, hoarding, competition, fragmentation, separteness, judgment, striving, entitlement, control, busy, survival, outer riches. In the conversation for scarcity we judge, compare, and criticize; we label winners and losers. We celebrate increasing quantity and excess. We center ourselves in yearning, expectation, and dissatisfaction. We define ourselves as better-then or worse-than. We let money define us, rather than defining ourselves in a deeper way and expressing that quality through money.

Sufficiency speaks in terms of gratitude, fulfillment, love trust, respect, contributing, faith, compassion, integration, wholeness, commitment, acceptance, partnership, responsibility, resilience, and inner riches. In the conversation for sufficiency we acknowledge what is, appreciate its value, and envision how to make a difference with it. We recognize, affirm and embrace. We celebrate quality over quantity. We center ourselves in integrity, possibility, and resourcefulness. We define our money with our energy and intention.”

The Earth is Dying

So basically the earth is dying right? I dunno if you watched “Elysium”, or the the 20 Post-Apocolyptic moves that came out last month, or the Tsunami, Radiations, Global Warming charts on Facebook. But lets say we needed to save the Earth. I think the solution not come from throwing money at certain organizations and donating to charities. I think the people of Earth (mainly the US and other large countries) would need to change our way of life, lessen our dependance on fossil fuels, and fundamentally change our aspirations and dreams. We would need to live within our means and find contentment and happiness in sufficiency.  At that time, we would lead lives that would feel more abundant and fulfilling than any rich and famous celebrity you see on your supermarket tabloids.

Here are some more videos by the author.

The Magic of Thinking Big

This was a book that has been highly recommended to me by multiple people. I’ve already read many “success” book – so some of the content was repetitive – altogether still a great review. I’m returning this book to the library today, so I wanted to jot down some of the unique gems that I had gain from this book.

 

 

 

1) Believe you will succeed and you will

Some people are skeptical about this, because it sounds like you can “think” your way into success without doing any hard work. This statement is not to be confused with “wishful thinkful” – You wish things to magically happen. And it’s more than just “working hard.” To me, the statement means to have the perseverance, dedication and resolution to achieve your goals – no matter what it takes. Furthermore, the author stresses CREATIVITY as one of the key components to making things happen. 

One of the examples that really stuck with me was when the author brought up the topic of “getting rid of all prisons” to a group of people. Most of the people thought it was impossible to get rid of prisons. They didn’t want criminals to roam the streets. Then the author asked his audience to just pretend that it WAS possible. What would need to happen if they had to get rid of all the prisons in the US? The discussion then focused on crime prevention, youth centers, ways to eliminate crime before it could happen. Anything is possible as long as you are willing to commit yourself to be creative and solve the problem. 

2) There is no perfect moment to take action

The author says that “The test of a successful person is not an ability to eliminate all problems before they arise, but to meet and work out difficulties when they do arise. We must be willing to make an intelligent compromise with perfection lest we wait forever before taking action. It’s still good advice to cross bridges as we come to them.”

I recall many experiences that I would see a pretty girl and would try to wait until there was the perfect moment or until I thought of the perfect thing to say to her. Many times, I would wait too long and the girl would leave before I thought of anything that I thought was “perfect.”  So then I would think of these “perfect” things at home, so when I would see a girl I wanted to talk to, I could say it. I realized that I would often forget to say the thing I thought of – but it wouldn’t matter. After much trial and error – I’ve come to the conclusion that the best course of action is just to improvise and make things up on the spot – like normal humans do. 🙂 

However, I realized that I don’t do this jump in and take-action approach when I am working. I often make a bunch of to-do lists, plan a schedule and wait until the planning is complete before I start working on the task at hand. That is probably why I’m always procrastinating and can never finish my to-do lists. I think I’m going apply this “jump in and take action” approach to more areas of my life. It seems more fun that way anyways. 

3) Go first Class with everything you to

Spend more, Buy Less. Don’t be cheap. Get quality shit if you can afford to.

4) To activate others, to get them to be enthusiastic, you must first be enthusiastic yourself. 

5) Conversation generosity 

– Be a good listener

6) How would this world be if everyone in it were just like me?

– Be the person you want people to be. 

7) Spend time alone with your thoughts. It’s good for you. 

What can Gratitude do for you?

Recently, I’ve been studying gratitude. I have a really hard time being grateful for the treasures I’ve gotten and currently have in my life. I turned to this book for help. “The Magic” by Rhonda Byrne (my friend Tanner recommended it to me). I can honestly say that some of the gratitude exercises recommended in the book were really difficult for me to perform. I’ve had such a good life, and I’m so used to taking things for granted.

 

Gratitude is important because… (according to the book + plus my interpretation)

1) If you are grateful for the stuff you have in your life, you will have MORE things to be grateful for.
2) If you bitch and complain about stuff, you will have MORE things to bitch and complain about.

Positive thinking generates more positive outcomes. Negative thinking generates more negative outcomes. The book says that this is due to “Magic” and Universal Law. A psychologist might say this is the power of perception and self-fulfilling prophecy. I say it’s a little bit of both.

In a previous post, I talked about the difference between happiness and joy. Happiness is your circumstances and expectations. Joy comes from cultivating gratitude. If you want to have a really happy, joyous life, you gotta learn how to be grateful about every FUCKING thing. Everything from your hands, toes, feet, the air, water, grass, bad , good, present, past, future. And when you are grateful for EVERYTHING… omg, you will be so happy and feel so blessed. That is what I want to work towards. lol

Here is where the magic is. You know the saying.. DON’T COUNT YOUR CHICKENS BEFORE THEY HATCH. Well.. DO IT ANYWAYS!!! 🙂 YES (well not “exactly”)  lol The book recommends feeling gratitude for your desires and wishes BEFORE they happen.  Sounds really counter intuitive right? Your desires could have to do with money, health, relationships, love, friends etc…  How to do this?

1) Be grateful for everything you received in your PAST. Count your blessings.

2) Be grateful for everything you have in the PRESENT moment.

3) Imagine your wishes being fulfilled and feel mucho gratitude in your FUTURE. The more sincere and heartfelt your gratitude is, the more effective and powerful will this magic be in manifesting your dreams.

OBSTACLES AND BARRIERS
Let’s say you had a really fucked up life. And you have nothing to be grateful for. Or you are a spoiled brat and just take everything for granted (like me.. but I’m working on it. XD Thank you for this book). It’s going to be HARD to feel grateful right? How are you supposed to be grateful for the death of a family member, an accident, or painful memories? How are you supposed to feel grateful for that bitch who screwed you over?

Then you got to think of all the things that this situation did for you. Maybe it was a hardship that made you stronger? Maybe it made you cherish and realize all the other things in your life? Maybe you learned how to set boundaries?

GRATITUDE TOWARDS YOURSELF
I have had a hard time feeling gratitude towards myself, and I think a lot of people feel the same way. Lets review what that means. If you aren’t feeling gratitude, you are taking something for granted. Let’s say you did a 3 mile jog in like 33 minutes cuz you are feeling kind of tired. And you say to yourself.. “fuck! that’s so slow. I need to run way faster”. At that moment, you are taking your legs and lungs who have worded so hard for you for granted. And you are taking yourself for granted too. Furthermore, if you have a HABIT of taking yourself for granted, it is very likely you are also thinking and saying the same things to your friends and family members.

When you complain, it is a lack of gratitude. And when you take things for granted, more bad shit is gonna happen and you will have more things to complain about.

However, if you express gratitude but still see room for improvement… I think that is a very humble and healthy way of self-improvement.  For example… “33 minutes for 3 miles? Good effort. I’m grateful for legs and lungs for running so hard. I appreciate you. Perhaps, we can get a better nights sleep so we can run faster next time. 🙂 “

Are you sick of striving for Perfection?

“The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who you Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are.” 
by Brene Brown

I’ve read a TON of Self-Help books. What makes this author different is that she is a RESEARCHER, not a self-help guru. She  compiled all this information and data on how OTHER people live happy lives. And then she looked at her data and she was like.. “oh shit. I’m fucked up“. And throughout the book, she is learning how to apply the things she learned from her research to her own life. So overall, I feel like the book is really down-to-earth, because the author feels like an actual person instead of a Buddhist monk or something.

There is a lot of REALLY good information in the book. Here are some things I’ve been thinking about. This is by no means an accurate summary nor a reflection of the book. 

What is the difference between Perfection and Healthy Striving?
Healthy striving is self-focused: “How can I improve?” Perfectionism is other focused: “What will they think?” Unhealthy Striving is about earning approval and acceptance from other people. 

Honestly, most of my life I’ve been very other-focused. I’ve always worried about what family members, teachers and friends thought of my work. I’ve always sought out and listened to feedback and suggestions from other people to improve. And I’ve made some really great work. I won a lot of trophies, and had the approval and applause of a lot of peers. Recently, I’ve really tried to shield off what other people think of me. I disabled my facebook. I didn’t want to listen to other people’s suggestions. Going down that path didn’t really make anything better. It’s not about… “Not giving a shit about what other people think.” It IS about listening to yourself. And asking yourself what you think. And being aware of your inner dialogue and what your gut is telling you. I think that is something I need to work on. Something like that takes practice and time. 

What do it mean to be authentic?
If you are in business, you know that it’s important for businesses to be authentic and gain the customer’s trust. If you ever been on a first date, all your friends you: “just be yourself.” Authenticity is the “daily practice of letting go who we think we are supposed to be, and embracing who we are.”   

I’m here to tell you that being Authentic can be fucking hard. It can take a LOT of courage to truly be ourselves. If you are a girl, maybe you struggle with the idea that you have to be “feminine, thin, nice modest, small, quiet and attractive.” That’s what society want you to be, but maybe you are really a bold, aggressive and loud type of girl who likes to play with guns and arrows.  If you are a guy, maybe you struggle with the idea that you have to be “emotionally controlled, successful with work, dominant over women, and have high status.” If you happen to be a sensitive caring guy who likes singing, dancing and sewing – man… are you gonna be fucked up. And no girl wants to date a pussy. 

Do you see how much EASIER it is to just play it safe and be who you SHOULD be, rather than who you really are? When people say… “Just be yourself” – it sounds like an easy task, and I just want to say to everyone – HEY – IT’S HARD. It takes a lot of courage to be honest with yourself. You become very vulnerable. However, there are many rewards with practicing authenticity. The author says… “mindfully practicing authenticity during our most soul-searching struggles is how we invite grace, joy and gratitude into our lives.” 

What is the difference between Happiness and Joy?
Happiness is a human emotion connected to circumstances. Your happiness can fluctuate depending on what’s going on in your life. Joy is spiritual way of engaging with the world that’s connected to practicing gratitude. Since I read the book, I’ve been keeping a gratitude journal where I write down what I’m grateful for. The purpose is to train my mind to become more accustomed to thinking grateful thoughts, so I can be more joyful. If you have a hard time being grateful when things ARE going your way, you are gonna be absolutely miserable when things AREN’T going your way. It takes practice to be grateful. 

The opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty. – Anne Lamott
If you have a need to be certain about everything, you are probably living a very precise and structured life – not be mention anxious and probably OCD. My friends and teachers have always told me… “Chris – you worry too much.” I’m always asking questions and have the desire to be sure of things. I probably got that from my mom. If your mom is always nagging, insecure and worrisome – you can probably relate to that as well. 
“Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty.” 
Sometimes it’s okay to take a risk, be uncertain, and be vulnerable – that’s where faith comes in.

Why is Comparison bad for happiness? 
I think the author describes this very aptly. She describes the world we live in as a crushing paradox of “fitting in” and “standing out”.  We need to just like everyone else but better. Is that retarded or what? I remember when I was in art school, we were all encouraged to stand out. However, if you stood out too much, or you were too normal – you would get a bad grade. It’s like you had to stand out, but not too much to get that good grade. It used be all about what the professors thought. Now, I finally get to ask myself … what do I think?

Why is Play and Rest Important?
We live in a world where exhaustion is a status symbol and productivity is equated with self worth. Right? “Oh I worked 80 hours this week. I’ve had no sleep for 3 days straight. I drank 5 espressos today”. You would brag about it and compare with your classmates/ coworker to see who worked the hardest and got the most work done. That’s the world I lived in. At Art Center College of Design – there is a saying that you could tell how hard-working a student was by how many times he/she went to the Emergency Room that semester. That is FUCKED UP. Our society glorifies exhaustion as a status symbol. It’s unhealthy, it’s silly and it’s dangerous.

I have had a really hard being able to let go and relax. Mostly, I think it’s because I was conditioned to think it was bad or I didn’t deserve it.  I was always taught… “Athletes are made in the off-season.” “Take no days off.” “Work Work Work.”  Anyways, the author said that play and rest is important to living a whole-hearted life. I don’t think she scientifically explains why – but it sounds good enough to me. So I believe it. lol

Check out this post from the author of the book. A good read!
12 Tips on Letting Go of Perfectionism From Brene Brown

I’m gonna go rest now.

Living in the Present

Recently, I’ve reached my life goal. I work at a big company as an artist. The pay is good, it’s a big office in LA with lots of people, the projects are cool; it’s everything I could’ve asked for. I’ve worked my whole life towards this moment. I took a bunch of extra-curricular like piano, chinese, violin, abacus, drawing when I was in elementary school – so I never had a free weekend. I overloaded with AP classes, clubs, sports, jobs in high school so I never had any sleep. I battled through 4 years of Booth in college and worked through my summer, spring and winter vacations. Every friend, classmate and teacher was a learning opportunity and a stepping stone to propel me closer to my goal. I was so goal-oriented, I lost focus of everything else.

When I got my first assignment, I was ecstatic at first. But then I felt kind of empty. I’m currently LIVING the moment I’ve been dreaming of my entire life. Now what? You know in the Hunger Games, there’s that kid in the end who was training for the Hunger Games his whole life? When he dies, he doesn’t care because the Hunger Games encapsulated his entire life and he knew nothing else. I kind of felt like that. Just a little bit.

Since last week, I had this urge to watch some of Eckart Tolle’s youtube videos (author of “Power of Now”). I used to think his stuff was so boring and indigestible, but I listened to several hours worth of his videos within the last week! I feel like I’ve been so focused going through life marking things off my to-do list, that I never really payed attention to what I was DOING.

Last year, I met this girl.  She was gorgeous – more beautiful than any girl I’ve ever dated, she was extremely intelligent, she was compassionate and had a big heart. I liked her, and she liked me back even more! She was everything I could’ve asked for. And I wanted desperately to show off to world that I had captured the heart of the greatest jewel of the universe. As much as I liked her, I was very unhappy and dissatisfied with the relationship. Perhaps it was because I wanted the relationship to live up to an expectation I had in my head, and I never really just enjoyed the relationship we had.

Whenever I travel to a new country or city – I feel like everything is awesome. Do you know that feeling?  I feel like that’s when I’m most present. Perhaps it’s because I know that I’m only going to be there for a short amount of time, and I know to really live in the present. I feel like I’m full engaged in the environment, taking everything in and seeing things with a very fresh eye. Everyone I meet, everyone I go, even mundane tasks such as going to the bathroom is an interesting experience. Perhaps there is a way where you can have that experience with everything in your life. Where… driving in traffic, brushing your teeth, and talking to a friend is as fun and enjoyable as going on a 5 star cruise. Perhaps there is a way where you could fall in love with someone, and even after 50+ years, everyday you are with them is as exciting and fun as the day you first met.

Accepting Vanilla Ice Cream

I want to talk about acceptance. I find it very difficult to accept other people’s compliments and gifts. I’ve been accustomed to accepting criticism and difficult situations; we learn to grow thicker skin and rise to the challenge. However, I was always taught as a child to not accept other people’s compliments and gifts. It’s considered polite in Chinese culture to refuse someone’s gift 1-2 times before accepting it. It’s considered atrocious to agree with someone if they compliment you – you must deny their praise. That’s “chinese humility” for you.

Here’s where I want to be cautious. If you do not accept other people compliments or gifts, you could become self-deprecating or feel like you are undeserving of gifts (tangible or intangible). You start believing the things you say to be true.

Anyways… here are some notes I wrote down in my diary from June. It’s kind of like an acceptance manifesto.

1. Accept criticism: there are people in the world who may hate you. There is a lack of love. Fear. You may influence them through love, but you must first accept them. It’s okay for them to hate you. You do not need to change their mind.
2. Accept ideas, thought and suggestions from other people: Acknowledge that other people have their own viewpoint. Their understanding (or lack thereof) stems from their experiences or lack of experience. Give empathy. And if their ideas and suggestions are good, thank them for their suggestion – for it is a gift.
3. Accept compliments: Graciously accept other people’s compliments. To not accept is to reject. And reject is to deny. They are giving you good energy. If you reject their compliments, you are stopping the flow of good energy. Thank them for their compliments and be enjoy the flow of energy. Return a compliment to them if you can. Believe you deserve to be complimented. Compliment yourself.
4. Accept other people’s gifts: When someone is giving you a gift – it may be something meaningful – a part of themselves. Cherishing and appreciating gifts is just as important as giving them. Be grateful and cherish the gifts people give you.

June 2013 –  I was at Baskin Robbins to see someone who hasn’t talked to me in 3 months. I ordered a vanilla ice cream. She told me it was on the house. I told her no.. I probably wasn’t going to eat the ice cream because I didn’t like ice cream. In my mind, I only ordered the ice cream so I could talk to her. She quickly charged me a couple bucks and moved on to the next customer. I sat down in the store for about an hour contemplating what I would do with the ice cream. I left my cell phone in the car, no books or paper, nothing to do. I just sat there for an hour. Being there.  I thought back to when she offered me the ice cream, I wish I had said: “Thank you so much. That’s so kind of you” – instead of saying… “No, I’m not going to eat it anyways.” How dumb was that? Considering that thought, I started eating the ice cream. 10pm came around, and she started closing up the store. I walked up to her and thanked her for the ice cream. “You ate the ice cream? I thought you didn’t like ice cream,”  she said. “Well, I ate it because you scooped it for me, and it was from you. I’m sorry I rejected your offer before. The ice cream was delightful.” She gave me the faintest smile.

Working out makes your smarter

Recently I read this book called Spark. It talks about how exercise is good for your brain. Clinical studies have shown that exercise is as EFFECTIVE as prozac in treating depression. Exercise allows a production of many chemicals (such as dopamine among others) and hormones, and this allows your brain neurons to function better.

 

In addition to treating depression, exercise is good for treating

• addiction
• drug addicts going through withdraw/ hangover
• ADHD
• girls on periods with PMS
• old age (Alzheimers’s disease)

If you don’t have any of those problem, I would assume exercise is good for if you….

• got out of a bad break up
• got in a nasty argument with someone
• Just really stressed out from school/work

From what I understand from reading the book, it’s because exercise stimulates your brain and corrects any chemical imbalances you have. Exercise makes you mentally and physically healthy.

What type of exercise is most effective?

The book emphasizes the importance of CARDIO exercise. Not weight lifting, not yoga, not golf, CARDIO exercise where your heart rate is between 50%-70% of your maximum heart rate. The author cites an example of highschool in the US where they had all their kids use heart rate monitors to measure their individual performance, and the kids were super smart and had great test scores because kids were able to pay attention better in class and be more focused.

I think the great thing about the heart rate monitors is that it measure your EFFORT and doesn’t compare you with the other kids. So you could be really overweight and run really slow, but maybe your heart rate is at 80% – which is really HARD. Maybe you are really fast and your heart rate is only at 50%. So I think a heart rate monitor is a really good measure of someone’s effort rather than someone’s quantified performance.

Then the author goes to cite the effectiveness of complex movement exercise such as basketball and tennis etc… The whole point is to stimulate your brain, challenge yourself so you come back stronger. Then the author talks the social aspect of exercise, playing on a team or whatever, and how interacting with other people really stimulates your brain and makes you function better. Basically, it seems like anything that is challenging you and pushing you out of your comfort zone is making you smarter. After you reading 1/3 of the book, you basically get the entire point. The author just points out more and more applications and studies from his research.

What did I do?

– One thing I did start doing for a while were daily bike rides at around 6/7am.  Once I woke up, I would go on a leisurely bike ride. I just ride wherever I want for 20 minutes, take a different route everyday. It’s something to get my blood pumping with out it being too tedious. I found this routine made me want to sleep earlier and look forward to getting up.

– Another thing I would do is to do daily dance challenges. The purpose of this is to challenge stimulate the kinesthetic (movement), auditory (music), and creative nature (improvisation) of my brian. When I was in college, I used to be a dance crew, and we were do a lot of battles and performances and stuff. I don’t have a dance crew anymore, so I no longer have the social motivation. But I started posting daily videos on youtube. And it’s pretty fun. I don’t rehearse or anything, and I play a song for around 5 minutes and freestyle.

Lastly I got a heartrate monitor. I wanted to get it because the book really endorsed them and said that they were really effective. And after getting this heartrate monitor I was able to view my workouts in a completely different light. I’m able to see how much effort I’m putting in rather than just how fast or long I am running.

And lastly, here is a video by performance expert Timothy Ferris on how exercise is good for your brain. Check it out.