Recently, I’ve reached my life goal. I work at a big company as an artist. The pay is good, it’s a big office in LA with lots of people, the projects are cool; it’s everything I could’ve asked for. I’ve worked my whole life towards this moment. I took a bunch of extra-curricular like piano, chinese, violin, abacus, drawing when I was in elementary school – so I never had a free weekend. I overloaded with AP classes, clubs, sports, jobs in high school so I never had any sleep. I battled through 4 years of Booth in college and worked through my summer, spring and winter vacations. Every friend, classmate and teacher was a learning opportunity and a stepping stone to propel me closer to my goal. I was so goal-oriented, I lost focus of everything else.
When I got my first assignment, I was ecstatic at first. But then I felt kind of empty. I’m currently LIVING the moment I’ve been dreaming of my entire life. Now what? You know in the Hunger Games, there’s that kid in the end who was training for the Hunger Games his whole life? When he dies, he doesn’t care because the Hunger Games encapsulated his entire life and he knew nothing else. I kind of felt like that. Just a little bit.
Since last week, I had this urge to watch some of Eckart Tolle’s youtube videos (author of “Power of Now”). I used to think his stuff was so boring and indigestible, but I listened to several hours worth of his videos within the last week! I feel like I’ve been so focused going through life marking things off my to-do list, that I never really payed attention to what I was DOING.
Last year, I met this girl. She was gorgeous – more beautiful than any girl I’ve ever dated, she was extremely intelligent, she was compassionate and had a big heart. I liked her, and she liked me back even more! She was everything I could’ve asked for. And I wanted desperately to show off to world that I had captured the heart of the greatest jewel of the universe. As much as I liked her, I was very unhappy and dissatisfied with the relationship. Perhaps it was because I wanted the relationship to live up to an expectation I had in my head, and I never really just enjoyed the relationship we had.
Whenever I travel to a new country or city – I feel like everything is awesome. Do you know that feeling? I feel like that’s when I’m most present. Perhaps it’s because I know that I’m only going to be there for a short amount of time, and I know to really live in the present. I feel like I’m full engaged in the environment, taking everything in and seeing things with a very fresh eye. Everyone I meet, everyone I go, even mundane tasks such as going to the bathroom is an interesting experience. Perhaps there is a way where you can have that experience with everything in your life. Where… driving in traffic, brushing your teeth, and talking to a friend is as fun and enjoyable as going on a 5 star cruise. Perhaps there is a way where you could fall in love with someone, and even after 50+ years, everyday you are with them is as exciting and fun as the day you first met.
Practicing Humility 